‘It’s not you, it’s me’: How to break up with your boss
The most dreaded part of getting a new and exciting job is likely to be handling the break up with your existing boss.
The boss break-up can be so awkward that very senior executives sometimes baulk at the last hurdle, says Margot Faraci of executive search firm Derwent.
“I’ve seen it happen. There’s a contract. There’s a sign-on bonus. They’ve agreed to everything and the person – and these are senior executives, C-suite, at listed companies – just cannot bring themselves to break up with their boss,” she said.
“And they really have done everything at the new organisation. They’ve met the chair. They’ve met three board members, had umpteen lunches with the CEO they’re going to report to, and five days later the offer has expired, and they say, ‘I just couldn’t really find the right time.’”
The key to handling the sometimes awkward revelation that you’re leaving is to break the news with resolve.
“You’ve got to tell the boss that it’s a done deal. It really is a case of telling them, ’It’s not you, it’s me. I’m wanting to do something different and to develop,” Ms Faraci said.
“You should also make it clear that you appreciate the opportunities they’ve provided. You have to tell them ‘We’ve done some good things together.’”
Ms Faraci, who specialises in recruiting for C-suite finance-related roles, said that even the best bosses will likely feel upset when a valued employee decides to leave.
“You have to remember that the boss hasn’t moved through the change curve over the eight weeks that you’ve been talking to other employers. The boss is probably completely surprised, they’re back at day one,” she said.
“And then you’ve got to walk around the office while it’s coming out that you’ve broken up with them, and so that people won’t feel you’re rejecting them, they might reject you first. That happens as well.
“The key to handling the sometimes awkward revelation that you’re leaving is to break the news with resolve.”
“Nice colleagues may say, ‘Oh my god, I’m so sad’, but not everyone’s like that.”
Try asking for a pay rise first
The Harvard Business Review guide to quitting your job states it is important to work out if any problem within your current organisation can be remedied before deciding to leave. If the issue is money, it might be easily solved if you simply ask for a raise.
“Money is another reason many people want to leave. If you feel you’re being underpaid, or if you’ve gained new skills or experiences that make you especially marketable, inquire about a raise, making a reasoned argument about why a salary increase is merited,” the guide advises.
Ms Faraci’s role often involves working out the unmet needs in candidates who aren’t even looking for a new role.
“The first phone call is always ‘I’m not looking. Yes, I’m happy where I am.’ And then you just listen to them. And generally, if you’re really listening, you can pick up on what needs are not being met, where the candidate isn’t being valued and how a new suitor may value them more highly. If you can respond to that, three weeks later they’re in a second-round interview,” she said.
Ms Faraci also said an offer of more money to stay may only be delaying an underlying problem.
“We’re seeing a lot of people getting a counter-offer and staying. That can be like when you have the fight with the boyfriend that you’ve been having for 12 months, and they promise to change.
“A month later, the same things are going to show up. The money is not going to be the thing that keeps you there. You’ll still go.”
Ms Faraci said the job market continues to be hot given the ongoing shortage of top executives.
More broadly, the absence of international workers combined with demand for specific skills has pushed pay higher in sectors such as accounting, consulting, law, banking and technology.
The five major consulting firms – Accenture, Deloitte, EY, KPMG and PwC – have almost 3300 open job ads, slightly down from the September peak of more than 3600.
This demand for experienced professionals and specialised skills is only expected to grow next year as professionals head overseas for extended trips, or even permanently, now the borders are open.
Louise Watts, who advises companies on how to retain and develop staff via her company Transition Hub, says bosses need to ensure they are helping their employees develop both personally and professionally.
“Employees need to see the purpose in their role, to see the impact they deliver in their work and to see how their careers can develop within the company. It’s all about helping employees re-imagine their future in the organisation, rather than them having to exit to find that future,” Ms Watts.
